Friday, February 11, 2011

Surface Vertigo: Vol. 1- Getting Started

Surface Vertigo: an continuing expose by Eric Wilkinson
This weeks episode: GETTING STARTED
So here I am at Starbucks, and I am trying to piece together about ten different projects when I suddenly get the urge to run to the local co-op for a bounty of delicious goods! I am just that smart...hah. Anyways, as I sit here with trail bread, wallaby yogurt, and a can of Brain Toniq, I think to myself, 'man I really wish I would have brought along my note book full of ideas for this blog, but didn't because I didn't feel like driving around town'. Man sometimes life just gets you down.

So I have decided to reassess my goals for this project, and in that process I have come to many conclusions:
1) I am just getting started.

The beauty of youth is that there is so much before you, even if others can't see what came before this as being of equal value. I happen to think that every individual, in times of change and lets say-maturation, carry the understanding of where they have come from and how it effects them. They may not label it as existential "experience", or street oriented/consumer oriented/book oriented knowledge; but they do understand that wherever they came from, it makes a difference based on its distance to where they are now (physical or metaphorical). I am just now starting to understand what it will take to be successful in the creative industry, and sometimes it really scares me to think that one day I will wake up and the motivation will be lost, but then there are those other days... those days that just put everything into perspective.
2) I have to remove this sense of lethargy

(I apologize for the incredibly creepy look Michael Keaton is giving you, but you had it know why...)
There is nothing worse than a writer who doesn't write because he is too worried about not producing the next 'Catcher in the Rye', even though it shouldn't be any writers goal to simply write crap and call it a masterpiece because he can't write the next 'Catcher in the Rye'. (these are two very different mindsets but somehow they end up with the same result... you feel like junk)
It has become most common in my life that I will come up with a project with great excitement, and then burn every bridge out of fear that I can't actually produce such a thing. This is not a healthy way to reinvent yourself, and so I have to make decisions to rid myself of those distractions that seem to eat away all of my spare time. Those distractions are what ultimately create a void that says 'hey maybe you don't know what you are talking about', and it can definitely seem like a chore when you first start to assess things like this, but maybe it should. I mean if everything that we knew we wanted to accomplish was based on a comfort, then no one would do anything to its fullest degree out of a feeling of lethargy. We all get bored with things we love, and in that time we should refocus ourselves on why we are doing it in the first place. If we don't, well... we may not find a way back to a sense of self.
3) Find a Common Ground and seek out support

For the last couple months I have had this concept in the back of my head: a writers community based on the internet in which creative minds can receive feedback, collaborate on projects, and discuss the highs and lows of writing. Unfortunately without any money (I'm broke and need a real day job), or any sense of time (I don't really have any)- something like this can't actually come about.
Why is it important?
a) Having a sense of commonality in your community creates a union of both mind and spirit.
b) In times when you need encouragement, a kick to the shin, or an extra set of eyes- a community of like minded people can bring something to the table that you cannot, namely themselves.
c) It just feels better to know that you aren't alone in this venture. The MAN is getting all of us young people down right now, and its good to strike back with a little bit of group time.
4) Set Goals

People are not good at being patient. The very idea of "wait and see" has become the embodiment of anguish for children (think Christmas), parents (think vacation), and old people (think...). The idea of creating solid goals for oneself is something that any self help book WILL TELL YOU, but that doesn't mean that they all are saying the same thing. Examples: Diet books help you lose weight but you have to do it with their products, psychiatrists help you feel better but through their methods/treatment; but neither tells you to beat the crap out of yourself until you find the source of what's deterring you and then push all of it to the floor as you climb the ropes to places that will make you somebody.
It is in these volumes that regardless of what the goals are intending to produce, they all have an agenda. I say this because the type of goals I am talking about are not centered around a betterment of situation, but of self. This "self" is not meant to make you feel better or have good emotions, but to encourage the soul within to create to its deepest recesses. To strive to improve your personal skills, you must take on a set of self oriented goals that are going to 'cut away the fat' of lethargy and self destruction, and instead build you into the person you were meant to be on your own terms. This will look different for each person, but in managing your projects and setting your mind to what you wish to accomplish, it is amazing to see just how much of a difference it all makes.
5) Just Bee Honest (correction it should say 'be' not 'bee'... regardless of how buzzworthy my puns may be... honeystly!... I'm so clover... alright I'm done)

The last point I wish to make is simple, and that is: don't keep lying to yourself when it comes down to your passions, just start being honest about where you are at! The worst thing that anyone can do is lie to themselves, and so when you attempt to do so to tell yourself that you are much further along than you are, it results it disaster. That is why when I look at my own life I find it much easier to be honest about how far I have come, so that one day (goals in mind, think of the steps!) I may be at the place I wish to finally come to. Its very simple in theory, but it can almost never be done in a single attempt. It, like many things that I am suggesting, has to be an ongoing practice of mind and body. It might take a long time... so buck up.
Thank you for your readership, and until next time... Cheers

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Weekly Update: Feb 9th 2011-Delays, Nausea, and Recuperation

As I look at my previous posts I realize that I haven't had a chance to update in over 10 days. It seems that my many projects have taken a back seat to my everyday life and that perhaps fate was telling me that I needed a break from everything to refocus.  The last couple weeks have just been chock full of hard truths and unfortunate circumstances, and it really feels like its breaking my spirit a bit. I need a new job, I need to get ahead a little, and I need to start living a young mans life again.

My brother just came and visited for a few days, which was awesome, but unfortunately we both got miserably sick yesterday and that has made it even more difficult to maintain a sense of normalcy. I never liked the idea of routine, but sometimes its nice to know what you have to accomplish and how long it will take. Being so miserably sore and chilled hasn't helped much.

As I lay in bed for the upteenth hour, I think about how ever since I graduated from Simpson I have felt like I no longer have a time frame to follow, and that kind of scares me. I am at a point in my life right now where I am just confused about how long "this time" of not knowing is going to last, or if "this time" is what being an adult is composed of... which would really suck. I need to know that what I am doing is really going to make a difference! I have always been someone who wants to do great things, but lately I just feel like I will never do anything.

I really want to make something of myself, and unfortunately for the last year or so I haven't felt like any opportunities have really come my way. Its kind of hard to look back at your time at college and think, 'man was that really me? I certainly had a better idea of where I was going and what I was doing', and ultimately not know how to go back to that state of being. For the sake of keeping this short, I just gotta say that I am hoping, and praying, that soon something will come along that will finally break this cycle of feeling overlooked, because its killing my sense of self right now. Here's hoping that next time I try something I won't end up hearing this....(see picture)