Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Idle emoticon: Communication Lesson

Last night I had an intense conversation.

I think that in times of great insecurity comes a sense of solid trust that what you are saying/doing is the right thing. I talked with a man who has been struggling for a long time in a lot of different ways, and it truly saddened me to see someone who has truly become "routine". To abolish all sense of reason or focus or hope or even a sense of dreams- and yet to still live! How does one find strength when one cannot recognize strengths nature? or wisdoms intent?

I found myself torn in my approach to his issues, as I barely know him. I found myself challenged by every statement he chose to make. And in the end I wonder how much actually got through. It was a lesson in communication that I never learned in college, one that I never learned from my background, or from books, or even films... this was something I had learned in experience, with others who found themselves in such plighted situations. It was in that moment last night that I sought to help someone who wants no help, and in our discussion I hope I made a difference, for his sake and not mine.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

a Novel idea for a Gloomy Snow-ridden path: reflections October 28th to November 14th 2010

As some are aware, I have been on a "quest" of sorts this month. It began with a conclusion I drew in October that I wasn't going to get a job that fitted my desires/dreams for a some time- and instead of wasting breath on less appealing careers I decided to quit GNC, a job I absolutely despised, and started working as a barista/bartending assistant/ server at a local cafe/bistro. This decision wasn't difficult to make in a monetary sense, as I have made huge strides in maintaining a less stress inducing lifestyle; but in terms of a future, the decision has placed me in a job that will not lead me to what I dream to do. So in the realization of such terms and agreements, I have made it a goal to pursue the things that will allow my dreams to become realities, even if I have to spend my few hours of spare time a day to achieve them.

So in the last days of October I made a decision to begin a "contest", which more closely resembles an enabling encouragement, that involves writing a novel in 30 days. The task seemed, and at times still does- daunting; however in the last few hours I have felt a resurgance in creativity that has allowed me to wipe clean months of half-assed assessments, and dawdling hours of wasted ideas. I have realized that in this time, I can create the visions that I have, in order to become what I really want to be. Its an empowering thought for sure. In fact, in the last few hours I have felt like a real writer, for the first time since I began writing poems back in February.

I have had many projects fall by the wayside, and having a set profile that demands updating daily by word counts and page numbers forces me to take what I have and show that I can acomplish something. I believe that I have so many ideas for books, comics, poems, films, conceptual paintings, art models, creative projects- that I must get them out. It is no longer a pastime, it is now a way of life- and I am loving the change it has made on my self-confidence levels. I hope and pray that one day I will be able to do this for a living; because that sense of creation/fostering has never left me. I believe that even in my earliest childhood memories, I can recall a passion for wonder, for excitement, for mystery, for action, for characters, for dialouge, and for story. This is something that neglected in part of my adult life, and finally I have begun to uncover its contents that have been locked away- out of reach.

I also have spent the enitrety of this month considering vegetarianism, out of a desire to get myself into healthy shape. I also joined a 24/7 gym, and am hoping that I remain consistent enough to actually make a dent on years of bad eating habits, and minimal excercise.

Next month I will be doing some more film reviews, start work on a graphic novel idea, start developing the novel that I am writing currently, and possibly even take further steps with the poetry I have composed.

To all who have encouraged me in my life, I would like to thank you... even if some of you will never actually read this, or hear me say it. It has been an honor to have so many wonderful people in my life, without which I would not be the person I am today.

To this and many more,