Saturday, April 24, 2010

..:The Start of Something Neu:..

Weeks pass and words compress into singular lines of material prescience countering against the blank white blinking page calling out to me, stating "what are you doing, and when are you going to make that difference you were talking about?"

Blogs come too few and far in between, and believe me there is so much to say. Honestly it is not an act of ADD, nor is it an attack on what I have done; but a critique on the routines and hustle bustle that takes away from any act of creative encounter. This is what will change, at least for me; because I have to try.

Weekly there has to come a change, otherwise change will never come.
It isn't for attention, it is for my own good. Writing needs better incorporation.

I think that is what enacting change means. It means taking that small step in a direction and attempting to make the best with where it goes. I am specifically talking about my writing, because that is what I focus my attention to in this blog. But if I were to not even do that, then where should I allocate the words that I want to share? If no one is listening then I am simply losing the thoughts to a daily routine of work, sleep, and socialization.

Its amazing to me how little, it seems, becomes clear to us (as individuals) in long periods of time. There is a sense of ongoing "education" and experience; but what do we really learn? Do we continue to add to the previous educations and experiences that we once had, slightly tweaking and fiddling with the formula until it makes sense to us in the present? What if making it make sense to us only serves our own purposes? Where is that sense of the unknown coming from?

I think that it may be the case at times when the element of epiphany, or change, or even tragedy will change the formula for us. Its as if we can get to a point where everything seems to make sense, like we have it all figured out, and then BAM! (exclamation point is for effect) it all changes.
I don't know how to really explain it, but I know I am not alone in my thinking. If I am, then sheesh what does everyone else think? haha.

These thoughts aren't greatly fleshed out; but they have been on my mind. Rather than hide them away, I am putting them out there to share and get feedback on. I honestly don't mind if anyone, I mean ANYONE, disagrees with what I say in this blog; but the lack of feedback I usually receive basically makes everything I say in this blog to be a big question mark. So if you read my blog on occasion and you have something you would like to say, I encourage you to do so.

I was told I am intimidating once. Not in a menacing or evil way; but in an intellectual/ social standing kind of way. I was told this again recently, and it makes me wonder if I am misconstrued. Sometimes I come across very intellectual and other times people seem to look down on me. I can't really make sense of it, not that I am trying all that hard.