Tuesday, February 9, 2010

The Midaisle Critic: A Return to Form: : Legion

Quite honestly there is very little that has to be said about this film. It is an example of poor storytelling, cardboard acting, and ultimately poor marketing. The theological aspects of the film aside, the ideas being put forth by the characters in this film are just plain silly. For Michael, an archangel of God, to come down and tell a a group of diner inhabitants that they must protect the unborn child of a waitress and then never explain why is clearly a sign that the filmmakers had no idea where the film was supposed to go. It is basically a lame version of a zombie film, which a subplot about angels battling over humanities existence on the behalf of humanity.

In fact, just to let you know how ridiculous this film really is, here is a top ten list of why you shouldn't even bother:

10. PLOT OF HOLES:
I haven't seen a movie more full of holes, than what I witnessed here. One minute the characters are shooting invading legions of possessed people (more on that to come), and then the next minute they are discussing how they need to get ready to do what they just did! Its just plain awful! The opening scene leaves with the sense that nothing truly exciting is going to occur. The whole movie feels hollow, as if they were all making it up as they went. I hate to have the imagination of a pet rock; but I guess this film is what it looks like.

09. CRAPPY SPECIAL EFFECTS

08. LACK OF DOUG JONES
Doug Jones is an amazing guy, and a really great creature/character actor... and his character is killed off in about 5 seconds, which was really disappointing to see...

07. GABRIEL + MICHAEL
The tandem "brotherhood" that these two share is seen in three different scenes; but it is never explored the way that it should have, and thus it seems almost distracting to what is going on.

06. THE SCENE WITH THE OLD LADY IS ABOUT AS SCARY AS IT COMES, AND THAT HAPPENS IN THE TRAILER
Seriously, the invading legion are like lame versions of zombies and add very few shocking moments. The old lady is seriously creepy; but unfortunately she is only in one scene, and gets killed...
05. JEEP
There is a character named Jeep (son of Quaid), and he is the supposed "lone hope" for Michael, that humanity has the ability to be good. Not much information is given as to why Jeep is "destined for great things"; but the film shoves the point down our throat in about 5 different scenes, including one that has him "taking on the tattoos" of Michael and being told to "find the prophets" (which was apparently the filmmakers way of saying "sequel", cause there were no prophets and there were no indications on how to find them).

04. The God excuse plotpoint
The angels proclaim that God couldn't take humanity anymore, and that is why he has decided to destroy them; yet the end of the film concludes with Michael being able to change God's mind and win over his favor by the example of the angels grace/mercy. Umm... what? That really doesn't make a whole lot of sense, even if you aren't religious.

03. RANDOM SUBPLOTS WITHOUT MEANING/PURPOSE
Huge time is taken to establish several characters that have no deeper purpose, or goal; and on top of that, the characters that need to have that kind of attention, just don't get it!

02. DENNIS QUAID/ TYRESE GIBSON
By god is Dennis Quaid an awful actor! I can't even believe that a guy who has done as many films as he has, still decides to make movies like this. His acting is flat, his accent is atrocious, and his character does little to add the necessary skepticism for what is taking place(his supposed role in the film). Tyrese Gibson is doubly awful as a man that "isn't good, but isn't bad" and carries a gun around but isn't a thug or a cop. Hmm....

01. THERE IS NO LEGION OF ANGELS + THE ENDING
That's right, there are only 2 angels in the whole film, and they fight each other for about 5 minutes (the only decent scene in the whole film). The rest of the invading populous are "people possesed by angels"... what? The confusion carries over to the characters who are told this revelation by Michael, and even they don't ever believe it completely. Its bad when you advertise a film to be this big action supernatural film, and you have little of either in the actual plot. I can't say how nerveracking it is to feel so jipped by a movie that was supposed to be popcorn fodder; but I am! The ending made me even more furious, because they end it without any real explanation about the newly born child's importance or where the people are going. The worst element of any bad film is the lack of Maguffin, which is the essential piece of the story that leads us through the three acts, and that was supposed to be the baby in this film and it just doens't make any sense because of the lack of insight!!

I apologize for the lack of grammar detail in this review, I just can't write anymore about this.