Wednesday, August 5, 2009

running thoughts

The last few weeks have been a challenge.
With every day comes a new and sometimes interesting addition, that makes living either much more enjoyable, or very much miserable. Caring for my well-being in this time has been a chore, as I do not wish to lose hope, nor do I wish to become something that I know that I am not...

Tonight I anticipated a 6-mile run. I ran 4. That's good enough for me. During these challenging past few weeks I have neglected my "training" on most every day (except for a bit last week). During this time, I have also neglected my writing (hence why my blogs have been so scarce... Mike I am sorry... :) )

As I was running I began to think about a variety of topics that have been on my mind lately (dating relationships, friendships, intentionality, who I am as a person compared to other guys, future related things, LA, money, figuring out plans, work, etc etc etc). I find that as I run, the ideas seem to just pour out, as if they have been waiting for me to just sit back and listen.

It made me sad in a sense to concentrate on so many hard things all at once... in fact realizing the shortcomings of many decisions/actions of the past few weeks have made things difficult in general ( in a variety of different outlets/ categories... I won't go into great detail as there are many different ones).

Everything felt so overwhelming and...
then an instrumental song came on that I have heard a million times... and I realized something profound... something I hadn't realized all along.

These things that we are striving for, the desires that we are hoping to attain, the value that we place on the "someday" and the "somehow" can pale in comparison to the unrecognized value of the "here" and the "now". We are constantly living for ideals, and never trying to understand what our lives are composed of at this time. The experiences we have with others can help change us (for better or worse), but without those experiences... would we even be able to say that we know another person, let alone ourselves? If we cannot try and understand the situations we find ourselves in now, are we even equipped to enter into what will be?
We can let opportunities walk away without even realizing the potential... and in that sense we miss out on what "could be" (the probable as well as the ideal).

Some examples of occurrences that ultimately help redefine my thoughts on things:

1.Sitting in a parking lot with a good friend and struggling for warmth after a long talk concerning all sorts of various issues = the sitting was not just a random occurrence, but a signifier of something meaningful... prefaced by hard talks and comforting hugs.

2. Long speeches, and prepared words = a desire to see change in others, as well as myself and to put forth an effort now to see things progress tomorrow... prefaced by a feeling that the message wouldn't be received.

3. Attempting to better understand oneself by understanding another person's thought process

I could go on...
The point is that the things that we experience now, will effect us in what is to come. We cannot help sometimes the baggage that we carry with us, and with that we have to continually find ways to "leap over our own bounds"... and that in itself can be tough... but it can be done...

Most important is who you are in these times, because life is a journey. A journey that takes a lifetime. The only disclaimer is that there will be pitfalls... and those pitfalls can hinder us or ultimately help us. In these times where new revelations appear... it seems as though a light is shining out in directing us. By experiencing these moments of warmth, comfort, growth, realization, hardship, suffering... we in essence continue on the journey in a new way. It is not so much what I want to do with my life that makes me who I am, but what I am willing to do today, tomorrow, and yesterday.