Saturday, February 28, 2009

Febblog #20- Counting up my demons....Because Everything is not lost (revised)

Everything is not lost....That's something that I have been slowly learning for the past 8 months, and it has helped me tremendously.

I don't pretend to have it figured out, and if you think that you have life figured out... completely... then I think you are fooling yourself. Only God knows...

We take our battles...one by one
We show our true colors...in our actions, intentions, words, and values
and we fail at times... but we also succeed at times... and we strive to be better... and we start over again, and again, again, in order to start ourselves off in fresh new beginnings....

Life changes us... we can influence things, and we can make decisions that can
take us in vastly different directions, and through every experience... is a chance
for something good... but God ultimately has everything in existence... in his hands... and that is comforting.

I have been thinking a lot these days.

I hope I have made the right decisions.

I have come to many conclusions... some I like... some I don't understand... some I don't like...

I wonder about how legitimate I am being. I wonder about how much I initiate. I wonder about how much time I wast. I wonder what comes next. I wonder about past decisions, I wonder about future decisions. I wonder if girls like guys, or if guys like girls... I wonder when I will be given a chance...and I wonder when I will get a real chance to show that I am a good man. I wonder about peoples arguments sometimes, and I wonder if people realize how much they can hurt one another...

Yet...

I can see that I have taken on new roles this year, and in those roles I feel God is truly using me for his glory. Because I deserve nothing, and God... he deserves everything. I pray daily that my sights are on him, and that has been true for a few weeks now... so that is good! I can see how he is blessing those around me, because they are going through difficult times, and I have seen how truly amazing the mystery of God can be. I have seen elements, more and more, of what true love really is, and I believe that it does exist in male/female relationships. I believe that God moves with us, and lifts us up as we crumble... and in his grasp we have no fear, yet so many times we look away... out of fear? or shame? or neglect? I don't know... but we have all felt lost...
But we should know that life is worth living... and that's all that I need to say for now.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Febblog #19- Random Thought

When is it too much to initiate conversation? When should we expect others to do so? Do we constantly initiate in order to feel like we can make a connection? Is it out of fear that the other person may not initiate?

hmmm interesting thoughts.....

Febblog#18- Quote

Immanuel Kant says "Act only on that maxim which you can at the same time will to become a universal law, and Always act so that you treat humanity, whether in your own person or in another, as an end, and never as a means."

Basically what he is saying is this:

Act in ways that you reflect what others should also strive towards. In other words, if everyone was unethical in their actions, and you decided to act in a way that is ethical, you would be attempting to change the status quo of those around you. This could go the other way, and negatively effect your cause, but regardless, the quote stands as a humanist version of "do unto others as you would have them do unto you".

Secondly (and this is the most important part, I think)... the quote continues as it states that humans must not be treated simply, or solely as objects/things (means to an end), but ALWAYS as persons worthy of DIGNITY and RESPECT in themselves. I think this is SO KEY, and I think that it is important to understand that our actions towards others, and our motivations WILL MATTER... even if only slightly...

Thank you and good night

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Febblog #17- Metamorphasize...

Reaching for the window, releasing the tension
Opening the inner soul of a once darkened room
Letting in the light that shined so bright, leaning forward to feel the heat
Looking back
It happens often
And readjusts the darkness
to fit with eyesight
Release
Repeat
Recycle
Wake up. Swimming. Night it hits, and the feelings once again set in.
Candlelit parking lots.
Crowded rooms. But feeling empty.
Hands are empty... Hands need a friend... none revealed....
Light shimmering
The outskirts feel like they are caving in... and it looks to be a long night.
The sun hasn't come up... and won't for so long
The night... it feels expansive...
Looking for something to make it stay alright...
Metamorphasize our hearts into one
Prayers.
Revolution.
Eyesight closing...
Will I feel the effects tomorrow? Or will it pass tonight?