Sunday, November 9, 2008

High and Dry... Reflections VIII

Recently I have been in reflection on my current stasis, and have found (from all corners) confusion, difficulty, and "dead end" feelings that have merely broadened this looming shadow hanging over my head (and in my soul). When the question "what are you gonna do with yourself after you graduate?", is both exciting and terrifying. I have no real idea! And in fact, I had been verbalizing a particular thought so much that it become like second nature to say it, even though I may not have even been really considering what that would entail. I guess there are several reasons why I have felt so "high and dry" in this time of my life, and here they are...
Disclaimer: these are just thoughts that have had the last few weeks... they are merely musings and frustrations...


I lack a sense of pursuing anything, I have no goal to strive for other than graduating (and with my thoughts in such a murky place, I cannot even concentrate on what I am doing here and now!). I feel as though there is nothing "out there", and that the reason I feel so out of place is because I am stuck in this void between knowing and the unknown.
I am tired of doing the same thing all the time. I feel like my life is already figured out for me... that everything I have to do, everyone I am going to meet, anything that I am going to think is already going to be thought out... there is no spontaneity.
I feel like a cliche... I feel like people expect me to act a certain way, talk a certain way, be a certain way... and they judge me by their perception of me
I have found that I once had difficulty voicing my opinions, and now am finding that I overpower those around me with my flagrant use of opinons.... I am working on it... I am working on listening... and waiting to have something truly good to say... its hard...
In the male/female romantic relationship department...girls don't like me...haha...