Monday, July 28, 2008

These Girls... reflections on singleness

I believe a famous comedian once pointed out that whenever an individual is "single" all that person sees around them are couples, people getting married, and people in love; He continued by noting that the opposite (being in love/relationship) causes you only to see single people (ranging from mildly to greatly attractive, I think is how he put it)...
I know that for me (being single) the first half reigns true. But I don't know if it is a physiological thing, or if it is merely coincidence (being that a lot of my friends are in relationships/ married).
I always found it funny when girls would tell me "oh you don't want a girlfriend", as if they were in on a secret that I was not aware of. Is it the complications relationships bring to the table that make them so undesirable, or is it the responsibility of caring for another person that makes this whole notion of "relationship" a hassle? I never understood it, but in many ways as I held onto this notion I found that I was better off in certain circumstances, because it kept me from making a few mistakes.
Being single gives an individual a perspective that is very different from someone who is in a relationship. I could write down a bunch of logistical terms explaining groupings of singleness, but that would merely be a hypocritical notion at this point. Throughout being single, I have learned so many things, yet I feel like I am lacking in something that I cannot (for the life of me) create within myself. It is not that I need someone else to tell me who I am, nor am I saying that I need someone else to give me a sense of purpose. I believe that you must first love (and care) for yourself before you can expect to love another (to love thy neighbor as thyself, logically requires an individual to first love themselves so that they have the capacity to love others and ultimately God), but it is ultimately the love of the other person that you put above your own needs. That is something that you simply will not hear out of the mouths of 99% of divorced couples, because the blame is always placed on the other, and never the self... Chivalry is indeed dead in its historical context, yet can be seen (in modern times) and acted upon if people were willing to put the needs of another above and beyond their own. For whatever reason, we have lost sight of this... one can only guess how..
Sometimes it is easy to forget that the opposite gender might be interested, because after a long period of time you just forget what it felt like to be in a relationship, you don't notice simple ques, you just merely exercise what you have, and what you know... It can be a depressing notion, but also a notion of patience. If one who is single is willing to wait for someone to truly "knock them on their feet", then it is more a virtue than a sign of weakness. Although in certain circumstances, singleness requires that an individual hold out for a possible future decision that may at times seem bleak, then this virtue becomes almost a part of that person... so ingrained that it takes on an essence of its own.
Maybe writing this entry is out of character, maybe its even too bold for my own tastes.. but as I write it I think back upon the past 3 years of singleness and I wonder at what it has taught me, and I look towards the future and wonder (with curiosity and skeptical enthusiasm) at what could be.
How long do I wait?